Being a decent person and dating no longer mix

The sad truth, I spoke to one of my friends who recently became single and she told me about the few most recent dates she has been on. It sounded like she had been on several, the bad news is not one interaction was a good one. When I asked what she felt happened there were a few common denominators. One was they met online, two was the effort was not that great from the beginning, and last the sexual advances in person were too strong. The sad part is she is not the first person I have heard that from. Look all men and women enjoy sex and there is nothing wrong with that, however no one enjoys getting ready for a date being excited about potentially dating someone to meeting for 5 to 10 minutes and the person is making sexual advances.

This goes into a few things, I never suggest meeting people online because I find there is a lack of effort in that itself. On a dating site you pop up a bio and photo and you hope someone wants to interact with you based on that. Men and women are visual and that causes initial attraction but what past that. You are being judged off of a few sentences, or worse its social media and it is a small glimpse into someones life in picture form. None of this is real, and you need to consider that. There are many alternatives to meeting people in person that I feel are far and few. One is ask your friends significant others if they have friends who may be a good match. Two, go out, no I do not mean you need to go to a bar.... this means anywhere the mall, coffee shop, an activity you enjoy, or literally anything out and about. Three, we all have co worker friends, maybe go out with them or see if they have friends to meet, expanding your circles is only a positive not a negative.

Two let's talk about effort, I spoke about this is my last article. How does the conversation start, is it generic, is it more than skin deep. Is there an actual effort being put forth, now look I am not saying by any means should you live on your phone, but there is a difference between putting in effort into something new and communicating it versus not. Simple questions or comments on how you look should not cut it in general. Sure those are great but again not someone you should be considering for long term plans. Is the effort equal, or is it simply one sided? Do they communicate when they will be unavailable, and do you? If the effort is half assed why continue to push for it to work, do not settle move on.

Also please stop being sexually aggressive, or begin the conversation to focus way too much about they way you look or the way they look. This shows from a dating standpoint the other person clearly lacks confidence or is seeking some sort of validation. If the statements are about you, they are looking to see how easy it is to build you up and see where your confidence lies as well. Confident people do not need or seek validation. Their actions, and body language will say it all. If that person is talking too much about those things it is easy to tell this is a surface type of relationship. I hear so many of my friends say I went on this date with this guy and I swear he talked about how good looking he was at least 5 times. Gross, and the same goes for women. It is great to know your an attractive person but the other person knows as well or they wouldn't be there in front of your face.

Let's move on to sexual advances, if someone says no, it really means no. Nothing is worse than trying to pressure someone into something they don't really want. If you are seeking something superficial or just a surface type of relationship then fine. But as a female who is seeking a deeper more valuable, long term relationship look past this. Men are not entitled to anything from anyone at any time. Don't forget that someone if offering up their time which is a blessing enough. So instead cherish that and get to know them, and hey if you just want a quick fix just communicate that. Putting in "game" is honestly too much effort and so classless. Ladies, if you want to weed out and figure out the type of man you are dealing with, it is simple. Don't put yourself in a situation you do not want to be in. Make them wait and you will learn soon enough where their intentions lie. Meaning do not go to your place, or theirs, go somewhere public and spend time getting to know the deeper meaning to them?

Keep in mind when dating the rules are the same, if you are a female there was ways to weed out the men you do not want. As a man you can ask yourself the same thing. Both parties end up losing by seeking instant gratification or validation from one another which is why men and women get stuck in the vicious cycle of the "quick fix". Men who lack confidence are seeking to get laid and feel validated by getting physical attention from women, where women will participate in the same action after they get the instant attention they crave. Neither end up happy, and the cycle continues. So instead as a man, ask yourself what in life gives you meaning and purpose? What makes you happy inside, why do you lack confidence and find ways to build that confidence up. What are you actually able to offer a woman besides your bedroom? Anyone can offer that and a dinner date, fancy vacations, what about your average Sunday where that is what most of your days will line up as?

Ladies, stop settling for some compliments and drinks. Put yourself in a situation to win, if you want something serious then be more serious about how you view yourself. The same goes for you if you are lacking confidence, keep in mind you are putting that out into the world. Practice positive self talk every morning. Make choices for people who will make an impact on your life in a meaningful way and not something that won't scratch beneath the surface. No one likes that so people, be more honest to one another and you may end up finding more genuine people you can have a future with. Even if it's a friendship. But I guarantee taking these things into consideration, working on yourself, putting yourself in a situation to win, and stop putting yourself in a situation for instant gratification will lead to a much happier life.